Whether it’s a long weekend, summer break, or your regularly scheduled custody exchange, time away from your kids can stir up a mix of emotions: guilt, relief, loneliness, freedom. For co-parents, these kid-free moments aren’t just empty space on the calendar. They’re powerful opportunities for reflection, rest, and re-centering.
Instead of viewing these periods as time to simply “get through,” consider them a chance to invest in yourself. Because the truth is: the more grounded and fulfilled you are as an individual, the more present and effective you’ll be as a parent.
Here are a few ways to use your kid-free time to grow, not just survive.
1. Rest Without Guilt
Parenting is a full-time job. Co-parenting adds another layer of emotional and logistical complexity. So when your child is with their other parent, give yourself permission to rest. Not just “catch up on sleep” rest, but the kind that restores your nervous system. Take a slow morning. Watch something silly. Say no to obligations that don’t feed you.
Resting isn’t lazy. It’s an investment in your future patience, clarity, and energy. And your kids benefit from a parent who’s not running on fumes.
2. Reclaim Your Identity
Between carpools, school lunches, and emotional labor, it is easy to forget who you were before becoming “mom” or “dad.” Kid-free time is your chance to reconnect with the parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside.
Sign up for a class. Dust off an old hobby. Wear something that makes you feel like you. Even small steps can reignite your sense of self and remind you that you’re more than your role as a parent.
3. Set Personal Goals
It’s hard to dream big when you’re in survival mode. Use this time to think about what you want, outside of parenting. Is there a financial goal you’ve been putting off? A job you’ve been meaning to apply for? A skill you’ve always wanted to learn?
Setting even one small goal (and taking steps toward it) can create momentum. And when your kids see you actively working toward something, you’re modeling self-motivation and resilience—lessons that are just as important as anything they learn in school.
4. Tend to Your Mental Health
Whether you're dealing with the aftermath of a breakup, the stress of shared custody, or just the regular weight of parenting, therapy or mental health support can be a game-changer. Use this time to schedule that session you’ve been putting off or explore new tools for emotional regulation.
Your well-being matters. And when you show up for your mental health, you're also showing up more fully for your children.
5. Build Your Support System
It’s easy to isolate yourself when parenting feels overwhelming. But kid-free moments can be the perfect window to nurture adult friendships, deepen connections with family, or even start building a stronger community around you.
Call that friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. Join a group or attend a local event. These connections will serve as a much-needed support system, especially when parenting challenges arise.
6. Prepare for Reconnection
Before your child returns, take a moment to check in with yourself. Is there anything you want to do differently? Are there routines or boundaries you’d like to revisit?
You can also take this time to prepare something small and meaningful for your reunion, like a favorite snack, a cozy movie night, or just being mentally present and calm when they walk through the door. These rituals remind your child that your bond is steady, even when you're apart.
Final Thoughts: Your Independence Is a Gift for Both of You
You don’t need to fill every quiet moment. You don’t need to prove anything. You’re allowed to enjoy your time alone and miss your child at the same time. These things can coexist.
By declaring your independence—not in defiance, but in care—you’re creating a stronger, healthier version of yourself. And in turn, you’re becoming a steadier, more present parent.
Take the time. Take the breath. Take the nap.
You’ve earned it.
A personal note from Attorney, Michael Debnam,
When I work with parents navigating divorce or custody transitions, I often ask a simple question: “If it were just you, no kids, no expectations, what would you put in the fridge? What would you put on Netflix?”
It’s not about ignoring your responsibilities. It’s about remembering that you’re still a whole person, with tastes, dreams, and a life beyond parenting.
So whether it’s sushi and reality TV or leftovers and a quiet documentary, lean into what brings you joy. Your peace isn’t just a bonus. It’s a necessity.